Gravity and 15%

Gravity and 15%

Feeling spiffy

Yesterday began as such a delightful day. I had two new lovely clients, got my errands run and took myself to Hancock Fabrics for a mini-artist date. I had 30 minutes before my next appointment. The fabric store is the candy shop to me. Colors, patterns, textures = possibilities.
I am a working on a large commissioned wall hanging that has me “challenged” so I wander through the goodie store touching and hoping for inspiration. I gather some interesting cotton prints. Possibilities for my work-in-progress. I chat gaily with the young woman while she measures and cuts. She then moves with me to the cash register. She rings me up – well they don’t ring up anymore do they? She scanned my purchases. “Fifteen sixty,” she says getting ready to pounce. “But today is Senior Citizens Discount day. Do you want to use your discount?”
Who me? Well, I am the only one in line, so I know she is talking to me and I am shocked. I am feeling so spiffy – or I was. My hair is cooperating in this moment because the humidity is low. I have on fun, swinging shirts, layered and bright colors. I am not wearing a printed polyester shirtwaist like my Grandma’s wore with the little Peter Pan collar. Neither am I wearing sensible shoes. I have on great sandals. Comfy but not ugly. Sketchers. My toenails are polished. I even acquiesce to the Cambodian nail tech, “Get Design? You need design. Design sexy. Design $3.” I get design. I can even still see my toenails when I look straight down.
I have good contemporary earrings. A nice bangle bracelet. So what gave me away? Maybe flappy arms. Bat wings is the medical slang. Really, for real. Bat wings. Or maybe it is the bruised, brown spot on my hand above my pointer finger where I banged my hand somewhere I don’t even remember where or when.
I ask the now not-so-delightful young lady if 64 qualifies. “Oh, sure,” she says all chipper. In a aren’t you lucky to save $2.42 just by getting old voice. Whoop-de-diddly-dee to saving two bucks under these grave circumstances. (I didn’t say grave, did I?) I am all over a bargain, but. . .
And, Oh let me just say right here. My hair is still red. Not grey. Red. My hair is not colored red. My hair is natural, wavy red, growing long right now to cut for Locks of Love. http://www.locksoflove.org/donate.html Growing thick red hair is something I do well.
I didn’t even have to adjust my glasses to use the bifocals to see the price of the buttons. Big orange tags were printed very clearly on the 50% off bowl of buttons I sifted through while waiting for the fabric cuts.
So what gave me away? Maybe my chins. I did have to look down at the bowl of buttons. You gotta love a really cool button (and a sale). So did the wolf-in-sheep clothing store clerk. She said so, cheerily, just before she threw the slam dunk Senior Citizens Discount shot.
Why do we get more chins as we age? To catch the food we are dripping? And who needs to see the veins of my hands? Has my skin gone papery thin so I will know there is still life going on under there? Well, I still trust that.
Maybe it was flappy arms. If I could turn my arms upside down and work that way for a while both sides would have muscles. I have strong top muscles but the bottoms – oh gravity, you are not my best friend. We won’t even go to the female anatomy part. ;( Because if that part gets mashed up with the underarm part. Let’s just not go there. Why doesn’t holding things like menus or magazines at arm’s length to be able to read them serve to strengthen and tighten those bat wings? Seems a slight anatomical adjustment would solve this problem.
Maybe I didn’t hear the ill-mannered, slightly near-sighted twerp-clerk correctly. Maybe she said, “Ma’am, do you qualify for the 15% Senior Citizens Discount running today?” Then I would have thought to myself, “YES! I don’t look my real age.” And I would have proudly replied, “Sure, a few dollars is a few dollars. I am surprised you think I am 64. But I am and I am proud of it.”
I was carded for alcohol until I was in my 30’s. How many Senior Citizens Discounts does it take to pay for plastic surgery?
Sigh.

---